I just can’t fix it.

I think the hardest thing about being a parent is when we see our children sad or hurt and we can’t take the pain away. This morning I read out a post by a friend from the Barossa thinking my kids would be excited for them, but they got instantly sad, and one of my boys trying to hold back tears said “I’m sorry Mum, but I just miss my friends and going to Kids Club so much”. We are over 1500kms away and yet my brain started to think of ways to get them to Kids Club this Friday. I know, a little silly, but I wanted to ease the pain in his heart. I know that pain oh too well. It takes a while to foster a friendship and they had some lovely friends back in the Barossa. I felt guilty that we had again moved our boys on just when they were beginning to feel at home.

We were pleasantly surprised with how our boys have settled in to Alice. They seemed to not be too sad that they were gone. They talked of their soccer mates and Kids Club friends and cousins, but they said “that’s ok, we’ll visit them”. When we had left Young for the Barossa it was a different story. They had forged some extremely close friendships with some boys from there and so they found that move very hard indeed. So when we came here, we braced ourselves for the same, but it didn’t come.

I think this time, one they were older, but two there were many distractions. They came in Summer, and so we could swim every day. They met a family full of kids that they were able to hang with a bit and we were exploring.
But now… the realisation that this is not just an extended holiday, but a place that we are staying has just hit home.

I held my boy in my arms (as well as I could with how big he was getting) and told him it was ok to cry. Grief is ok, if we let it out. When we don’t let it out it becomes unhealthy and we can become irrational and not really know why.

I know to some of you this post may seem a little menial. Some of my friends are going through tough times. I can’t imagine how they are feeling as they are watching on, trying to comfort their son who is under three as he battles leukemia, and another friend whose adult son got hit whilst riding his bike and is now in critical condition. Other friends that are doing life with children with special needs and one day it’s all good and the next it feels all has been undone. Next to these things, my boy’s pain could seem a little trivial. But I know in a stress test they liken moving to being as high on the list as a death or divorce… and from personal experience I know matters of the heart can make or break someone.

So I comforted and reassured my little fella that everything would be ok and I prayed that God would heal his broken heart and bring new friends that he could do life with. And I prayed that as a parent I would know how to nurture and foster these little men as they grow.

I am a person who likes solutions. Who likes to see things fixed. Iknowthough, that some things aren’t instantaneously fixed, problems don’t always get solved and this side of heaven, things aren’t always rosy. But as Ben always used to remind me when we were walking through what felt like the valley of the shadow… “God is still on the throne”… So glad for it.

Categories: Motherhood, My journey | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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7 thoughts on “I just can’t fix it.

  1. Ah mate, love your heart for your boys and for God too. So sorry their hearts are hurting. So hard for them. It’s no trivial thing when our children are hurting but especially when you have moved…hugely hard for you all even though it’s right and wonderful at the same time! I know our incredible Yah will bring awesome things out of this though but in the moment, oh how the boys’ hearts must ache and therefore, yours too. Our boys still talk about yours and often ask to see them. I tell them I hope we can someday soon!
    Love and hugs Reb. You are doing a great job!
    Love Lus x

    • It would be lovely to see you again… all in His timing hey?! Yeah the boys can’t believe how many kids are in your family now and they want to know when they get their others hehehe…. Think of you often and pray for you and your lovely tribe- you’re an inspiration woman. Think of how far we have come oh singing beauty 🙂 Who knew but GOd hey? Thanks for the encouragement… we are learning that there are rainbows to every flood and a burning bush to every wilderness experience. Sometimes small and sometimes huge but unforgettable nonetheless… Love you my longtime friend

      • Oh I’m thinking of pinching that line now for a song….”we are learning that there are rainbows to every flood and a burning bush to every wilderness experience”….so true of my life and so beautifully put Reb.
        Love what you wrote about the boys and the number of kids in our family…ours keep asking when their (ie: our) others are coming too! lol!!! I think they are hoping for us to have at least 10 kids. Love to you all too x

      • Reb

        Haha…. when the new song goes viral just remember to send me some of the lovin’ 🙂

  2. This blog really touched me Reb…I can relate to your boys- moved towns, houses, schools- made friends, lost friends. In fact, losing my first best friend from our very first move- who is my cousin, who 12 years later, never even remembered who I was- really hurt me, and affected the way I’d treat all my friendships for a long time. I’d make friends with someone, but never keep going round their house. It was a subconcious thing where I’d think, “I’ll have to leave again anyway, or you will- so why get too close?” They’d ask me weeks later, where ya been? I dunno! And I didn’t, and I felt horrible for not going round their place more. In fact, one Dad of a friend actually told me once, “don’t do that to us again…” coming round then not, ya know! I didn’t go back there coz of him after that anyway!!!

    I just realized this is why as I read your blog tonight!

    The positve side to what your boys are going through, and myself went through, are awesome, however. And that’s where I want to encourage you, coz I’m sure you’re thinking, “oh crap! Don’t let my boys be like Rob!” lol…well the positives are this, and what I have learnt: Friends may come and go, but Jesus will never leave me! He has proved that to me time and time again. In fact, God is a comforter to the lonely, heals the broken-hearted, is a father to the fatherless etc. Also, I’ve learnt the same thing about family- marriage hasn’t been easy for me, but I have learnt that Yvonne really isn’t going anywhere, even though I have tried to push her away because of that sub-concious thing that says, “don’t get too close, you’re gonna leave anyway.” She has taught me stickability. God and family is what it comes down to in the end, and are the two most important relationships needed in one’s life- and your boys certainly have God and you and Ben!

    So it was quite healing to read this tonight. Thank you!

    Rob 🙂

    • Reb

      Thanks for sharing your heart Rob and for taking time to read my post. Yeah I too moved alot and was quite the same as you with both friends and Ben, but now I am changing with the help of the Father and my stubborn husband and a few stubborn friends.
      Thanks for your encouragement. You rock Rob.

  3. I understand Reb. On two levels, being the kid that moved a lot (without Christ in the family and in me, that can be tough) and being the Mum and Dad who moved the kids! We haven’t moved on the same scale as you guys, but it still had some pretty profound effects on the kids and us for sure and probably won’t be the last time either! This is a tough job we have been assigned, one that requires such a huge amount of love, it can really hurt to love this much sometimes!
    Thanks for being candid. Thanks for raising those boys in Christ the best you know how.

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